I can feel a heaviness coming over me. I recognize it as fear. Like a hawk that is putting it’s claws in my shoulders, making it hard for me to breathe. This weight is pushing me down, making me want to freeze and get back into bed while pulling the blanket over my head. I might give into it later. But right now I am just curious. What does it feel like to experience this fear? Why am I afraid of it? What do I think when I feel it?

As I open up to the fear with welcoming curiosity and pure interest, it starts to relax a bit and says:

“Ok, it seems like someone is listening to me and seeing me without resistance and trying to push me away. This feels much better already.”

I smile at her (let’s say the fear is as ‘she’) and ask: “What is it that you want to tell me?”

I just sit there and give space to transmit the answer to me vibrationally.

At precisely this moment our cat Luna wants us to open the door for her. And after being allowed in the house she comes to sit on my lap.

Now there are two parties here, welcoming the message and feeling of my friend ‘Fear’. Things are starting to feel cozy and not so heavy anymore.

I take a deep breath, in and out, and return my attention back to my conversation with ‘Fear. “Ok darling, spit it out. What do you have to say?”

“I feel afraid to come out again. To make contact with the world. I’m afraid I will get hurt again. That I will not be welcomed, loved, appreciated, understood, wanted… I want everything to turn out well. I want to be open but I don’t want to get hurt.”

Well, are you hurting now?

“Yes, it’s painful to be in this energy of fear.”

So can it get any more painful? I don’t know. But it is my experience that we suffer the most when we keep avoiding our fear and try to protect ourselves from getting hurt. We are the only ones who can allow this pain in. And when we do, it doesn’t hurt so much anymore. I think what is hurting us most is when we try to keep the lid on Who We Really Are to express itself. This creates an accumulation of energy in our bodies without having any opening to flow through.

If it cannot expand outwards, it will implode inwards. And this will take us down.

Every part of All-That-Is, like a human being or a tree or an animal or a micro-organism, has to stay connected with and open to this Stream of Life Energy. If it chooses to close itself off from it, it will not be able to maintain that shape for very long (relatively speaking). Eventually every part of All-That-Is will return back to an open connection with All-That-Is. This is because All-That-Is is actually a Stream of Unconditional Love. And although it has the desire to experience and express itself in many forms, it will never cut off a part of itself. Yes, these parts have the freedom to create an experience that feels like that, but it is always temporary. Because no matter how hard or how long you try to pretend to be and experience something that you are not, you will always eventually let go of everything that isn’t real. Which will automatically uncover everything that IS real.

This is something that you cannot escape, nor would you want to. Because it’s Home. It’s You. Uncovered. Beautiful. All-That-Is.

“Well, thank you “Fear”, for being there and helping me to pauze for a moment so I could have this conversation with you and my higher Self, or whatever this voice in my head is that I have these kind of conversations with. I feel so much better now!”

“And not only that. I feel richer, deeper, wiser, calmer and also loved, heard, seen, welcomed, wanted and appreciated. Without putting even one step into the external world. It feels so much better to do it this way than the other way around. I don’t want to put this need on the people in my external world. I just want them to do what they feel like doing, saying and thinking. And I am happy that I can change the way I think, speak, act and feel as a result of connecting with you. And that truly makes me feel safe, secure and at home wherever I am and whatever I do.”

All of my feelings are messengers that come to share wisdom with me. They form bridges for me and so many others to cross over into new worlds and ways of being and thinking. I love all of my feelings. And I love taking time for them. Because to me, this is what taking good care of myself means. It’s not about eating the right food or exercising in the right way or telling others about my boundaries and needs and desires. All of that comes second, and becomes rather irrelevant for the most part, when I take care of my connection with myself first.

Wauw, I feel great! I love leveraging every experience I have and allowing it to take me higher and higher! And now I choose to share this conversation with you. So it can find whomever has the desire to read these words and maybe also feels relief as a result.

So if that person is you, I would like to hear from you too! 🙂

With love,

Mariëlle

Photo by Claudia Soraya on Unsplash

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Mariëlle Duijndam

Founder of Sparkle Paradise | Unconditional Self-Love Facilitator
Ik ben een spiegel van Onvoorwaardelijke Zelf-Liefde en van nature een krachtige catalyst bij persoonlijke transformatieprocessen. Voor hen die zelf al contact hebben gemaakt met hun eigen goddelijkheid, goedheid en grootsheid, of het sterke verlangen hebben om dit te doen – en hier ook voor open staan, zal het samenzijn ervaren worden als een verademing, ondersteuning en bevestiging op je pad van ontwaken, zelfrealisatie en het shiften naar de volgende dimensie(s).

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